After we heard the news of Rafi's sudden death, one of the
things we thought: was there anything we could have done.
Doesn't help, but we are human, the question comes up.

I had spoken to Rafi on e-mail for couple of years now.  I
was also his prefect at St Joseph very briefly.  For a long
time he was colunteering to help me with some work I was doing
on 1971 war. We kept trying to meet and playing phone tag. Even
though we chatted on phone few times, we kept missing each other.
This Friday, only two days before his tragic accident, we finally
met face to face.

Rafi spent this Fri night at my house.  He was supposed to go to
Dhaka on Tuesday.  I wanted him to meet Kamal Quadir, my classmate
from Oberlin College, who was struggling with decision of going home
or staying in US.  Since Rafi had decided to go to Dhaka for graphic
design work, I thought it would be great for them to meet [Kamal is
an art major].

So they met, they chatted all night, Rafi crashed at my place. The
understanding was, we would call him again Sat night or Sun.  For
various personal reasons Kamal & I were very stressed, we
never called.

When we got the news on Monday, that Rafi had the accident Sunday,
one  of the thoughts we kept having was: if we had called him
on Sunday would he have come with us to Manhattan, and would
he not have gone to the fishing trip, and therefore would
he be alive today?

It is a terrible line of thinking, but we could not help it.

If we had not seen Rafi on Fri, perhaps it would be much better.
At the same time we also had sweet memories.  We only met face
to face for very brief time, but he made a big impact. I kept
thinking: chele'tar etho uthsahho, etho josh.  Cheleta onek kichu
korbe jibon-e.

Couple of people talked to us about it.  They were very sensible.
In particular Asif Saleh and my cousin Hassan Alam.  My father
wrote by e-mail: "you have to believe in destiny".

Kamal & I have made peace with the situation.  There is no point in
analyzing what happened. We must grieve quietly and move on. And
appreciate life more.  And stop complaining about all the little
things we do not have.  Because life is very precious.

I wrote a couple of letters to Farshed, Rafi's classmate @ Amherst,
who is now in Dhaka.

This last one I saved.  I thought I might share it with SCB people.
Perhaps it might help others as well.

We have some wonderful memories of Rafi from Friday night. I will
write them later.

--Naeem

To: Farshed Mahmud <fmahmud@citechco.net>
From: naeem@ix.netcom.com (Naeem Mohaiemen)
Subject: rafi
Date: Thu, 1 Aug 1996 06:14:04 -0700

Thanks for mail.

Kamal and me are doing much better now.  We decided that we accept
the fact that Rafi is dead and now we have to go on living.  We will
grieve quietly and move on.  We will also appreciate life more.

One thing that helped, couple of friends [I think including Raquib]
went out to the site.  They said the water was incredibly choppy and
dangerous. It is not any mild stream, but rather wild sea area.  Now
last we heard [and this version has changed many times, and is not at
all confirmed, I am still hearing different versions], he was up to
his neck in water and fishing.  You have to say, in such dangerous
water, to be up to your neck-- it is not a freak accident.  Rafi
took  an incredible risk.  So I feel now that it was just destiny.

Rafi being the person he was [his trying to go home to
Queens from my house on Fri night at 2 am- something I a NY native
would not do-- just confirms this], this was destiny.

Short life, but he did live every moment of it.  And I believe
he enjoyed it.

Naeem

Mritto shobdo ta kemon jani...dhoreo dhora jay na ...bujhey o
bujha jay na...shey jonno hoyto ba mritto onekta kothin..onekta
shokto...

Mritto er kachey manush borabori porajito hoyechey..kichu kichu
manush oboshsho er betikrom..tader modhdhey beshir vagi gani-guni..
mohapurush...jemon robi thakur...kobi nozrul..r o onekey..
ei mritto talikao ami ekti nam jurey ditey chai..Shey hochchey
Rafi...

Rafi er sathey amer prothom alap SSC er por Zaman Sir er bashay
portey giye..binomro, marjito ekta cheley..prothom ber dekhlei
chokhey porer moto...ter upor royechey ter bektitto ebong
ter chehara..shob miliye jeno nikhut...

Ter por thekei ter sathey amer besh jogajog...SSC tey Stand
korlo..kintu oma...cheleter ek fota gorbo nei...shey
ter upon money choley juchchey ..kuz korey juchchey ..porashuna
korey juchcey ...rajniti niye besh alap korchey..
Terpor Talukder Sir er bashay eki batchey pora..Talukder Sir
onekta ragi prokiritir manush ( jara Dhaka Colleger chutro
tara chara ei jinishti temon keo dhortey purben na )..
ter shumney kotha bola day ...kintu dekha jeto rafi er kothay
umra ebong sir na heshey purtum na...sir kono ekta technical
proshno korley dekha jeto ter beshir bhug uttor esheychey rafi
er mukh thekey...ami shuntum r tonmoy hoye vubtum..cheley
botey ekta..

Terpor onek din goralo...onek sir er bashay ek sathey pora..
kotha bola ...ebong tari mujhey hoye gelo shey r o numkora..
kom beshi shobai takey ek namey chinto ..hoy to ba ter bektitter
jonno hoyto ba ter chehara/drishtivongi er jonno...

Ter por elo Test porikhkher pala...Dhaka Colleger chelera
shadharonot Test porikhkha diten na...cheleyder mukhey eki
kotha porikhkah hobey na..shober mukhey oi eki kotha ..
amader dabio tai ...Rafio amader sathey ek mot...rafi
oboshsho ei beparey besh ogragmi chilo..shey oboshshoi
amader jonno...kintu dekha gelo j rafi had one of the best
preparations...shob kichu shumliye j shey kivabey
choltey parey ami vebey obak hoi......

Ekhaney r o ekti cheler num na boley purchina ..
Shey holo Asif Saleh ...r ek opurbo cheley..
Shotti kotha boltey ki Ami Rafi ebong Asif Saleh
thekey onek kichu shikhechei..kotha bola..choltey shikha..
kototukun  onukoron kortey perechi janina..tobey shey kotha
boltey amer etto tuku lojja nei...Shotti chomotker ei dui
cheley..

Ter por HSC porikhkha eshey gelo....Amer jottu dharona
HSC tey ter position chilo...besh bhalo ekta position..
cheley ekta botey ...

Terpor majhey majhey kotha burta hoto ...America usher
beparey ami rafi er kachey onekbar shahajjjo chitey giyechi..
ebong shey binadhidhay amakey shajjo koryechey...karponno
korey ni...terpor  shey eikhaney choley elo...ter sathey
kaley vodrey joogajog hoto ..shey amakey besh kober
email diyechey..debo debo korey dea hoini..
ter sathey amer shesh kotha..shoptaho dui ek ugey irc tey
kintu kono din vabini j otai hobey shesh kotha..
r o  vubteo pari ni j  ter sriti romonthon kortey
amakey ekdin ei SCB tey likhtey hobey...

Vubchilum SCB tey kichu likhbona ei beparey..kintu
porey vublum..or shomporkey kichu bola dorker...upnara
hoyto rafi k SCB er pathok/likhon hishebei dekheyechen..
keo keo hoyto bektigoto vabey chinechen...jara chinechen
tara amer sathey ekmotey hoben nishshondehey ..emon
chomotker cheley shohojey dekha jay na ..Ami beshi kichu bolini,,
r o onek kichu likhtey purtum....kintu shey amari thuk...

Bidhatar kachey uj chotto ekti jiggasha ....emon ti to
hober kotha chilona..kintu keno emon holo ?? Ter uttor
kobey pabo janina..tober EKtai kamona ...shey jonno
jannatbashi hoy...emonki amer konno punnno kormer binimoye holeo..
 

Allah ter ruher magferat korun...

--
Mostafa Arifin                          Sys Admin, ERC
608/238.7619                            608/263.9870
"...I am / I can..."