From: naeem.mohaiemen@homebox.com
Date: 1997/07/28
Newsgroups: soc.culture.bangladesh,soc.culture.bengali

Dear Netters,

I just got a phone call from Asif Saleh to remind me that today is the first death anniversary of our departed friend and SCB comrade Rafi Ahmed ("Pati Mastan" from "Amherst er chipa goli").

A year ago today, this young, bright boy passed away in a sad drowning accident at Sandy Hook Beach in New Jersey. In his short time on Earth, Rafi brought humor and charm to a lot of people's lives, both on and off-line.

On the Friday before his death, I and Kamal Quadir (of Oberlin College) were sitting on the railing of Riverside Drive, NY and listening to the tall tales of this mischievous Bengali boy. I remember him pointing out a motorcycle gang and lecturing us about the "risks that people take". I remember also him sitting patiently in a pizza parlor watching Bengali workers behind the counter and commenting to me when I walked in, "Bichitro jibon" (and then proceeding to get excited about a jazz CD he had just bought). Around 1 am, Kamal & I decided we had to introduce him to our regular summer staple in NYC-- FROZFRUIT ice lollipops. After having one, Rafi proceeded to purchase another 3 in the next 2 hours. In his words "Makkhi jinish tho eta! Ki dekhalen bhai!"

After we heard the news of Rafi's sudden death, one of the things we thought: was there anything we could have done. Doesn't help, but we are human, the question comes up.

I had spoken to Rafi on e-mail for couple of years now. I was also his prefect at St Joseph very briefly. For a long time he was colunteering to help me with some work I was doing on 1971 war. We kept trying to meet and playing phone tag. Even though we chatted on phone few times, we kept missing each other. This Friday, only two days before his tragic accident, we finally met face to face.

Rafi spent this Fri night at my house. He was supposed to go to Dhaka on Tuesday. I wanted him to meet Kamal Quadir, my classmate from Oberlin College, who was struggling with decision of going home or staying in US. Since Rafi had decided to go to Dhaka for graphic design work, I thought it would be great for them to meet [Kamal is an art major].

So they met, they chatted all night, Rafi crashed at my place. The understanding was, we would call him again Sat night or Sun. For various personal reasons Kamal & I were very stressed, we never called.

When we got the news on Monday, that Rafi had the accident Sunday, one of the thoughts we kept having was: if we had called him on Sunday would he have come with us to Manhattan, and would he not have gone to the fishing trip, and therefore would he be alive today?

It is a terrible line of thinking, but we could not help it.

If we had not seen Rafi on Fri, perhaps it would be much better. At the same time we also had sweet memories. We only met face to face for very brief time, but he made a big impact. I kept thinking: chele'tar etho uthsahho, etho josh. Cheleta onek kichu korbe jibon-e.

Couple of people talked to us about it. They were very sensible. In particular Asif Saleh and my cousin Hassan Alam. My father wrote by e-mail: "you have to believe in destiny".

Kamal & I have made peace with the situation. There is no point in analyzing what happened. We must grieve quietly and move on. And appreciate life more. And stop complaining about all the little things we do not have. Because life is very precious.

I wrote a couple of letters to Farshed, Rafi's classmate @ Amherst, who is now in Dhaka.

This last one I saved. I thought I might share it with SCB people. Perhaps it might help others as well.

We have some wonderful memories of all --Naeem

To: Farshed Mahmud
From: naeem@ix.netcom.com (Naeem Mohaiemen)
Subject: rafi
Date: Thu, 1 Aug 1996 06:14:04 -0700
Thanks for mail.

Kamal and me are doing much better now. We decided that we accept the fact that Rafi is dead and now we have to go on living. We will grieve quietly and move on. We will also appreciate life more.

One thing that helped, couple of friends [I think including Raquib] went out to the site. They said the water was incredibly choppy and dangerous. It is not any mild stream, but rather wild sea area. Now last we heard [and this version has changed many times], he was up to his neck in water and fishing. You have to say, in such dangerous water, to be up to your neck-- it is not a freak accident. Rafi took an incredible risk. So I feel now that it was just destiny.

Rafi being the person he was [his trying to go home to Queens from my house on Fri night at 2 am- something I a NY native would not do-- just confirms this], this was destiny.

Short life, but he did live every moment of it. And I believe he enjoyed it.

Naeem